24 October 2003

To Cheer or Not to Cheer...Well, Either Way, It's Not Sporting

Email: GooseTownMail@yahoo.com

Is cheerleading a sport or not a sport? I love this one. I believe I have finally figured out the most logical answer, and I'm here to tell you...

Not a sport. Let's break this down:

In today's American culture, a sport can only be defined as a competition between two or more opposing forces of athletic persons on a designated field of play with objective guidelines and definite, marked outcomes. In other words, it cannot be a sport if the outcome relies on a subjective judge's interpretation. This is of utmost importance in gauging sport/nonsport nomenclature.

Therefore, some Sports: Football, baseball, hockey, tennis, swimming, golf, etc. You know your objective (score points) which is achieved only through strict guidelines (crossing the goal line, etc.) with no room for doubt.

More importantly, some NonSports: cheerleading, diving, NASCAR, gymnastics

See where I'm going with this? If it does not meet the guidelines of "Sport", it is a strenuous physical activity. It doesn't invalidate its existence, it simply renders it a NonSport Physical Activity. Why?

Cheerleading: First of all, let's throw out the notion that the crap that happens on the sidelines of football game has any redeeming social value. The idea of "spirit" went out the window a long time ago, so drop it. But how about cheerleading competitions? Well, that's exactly what they are, competitions. Your outcome is based only party on performance--you must also deal with the Subjective score of a Judge. Since human being are fallible, one can hardly count on their objectivity. There are no clear parameters for "Scoring". Therefore, while a Strenuous NonSport Physical Activity...not a sport.

Diving/Gymnastics: Same issue of judge's score.

NASCAR: Non-athletes. This cannot be debated.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: I have heard many people make the non-athlete claim towards golf. Only a complete assh*le would do this, as anyone who has walked 18 holes can certainly attest.)

Now I've heard all the excuses. I'm sure I'm going to get some of the following:

--"Yeah, but we practice for HOURS in a gym." (Great, so do ballerinas. Is ballet a sport now?)

--"Yeah, but you can get injured doing this." (Great. You can get injured doing construction. Or walking down the street. Are those sports now?)

--"Yeah, but I'm more of an athlete than those dudes who play Offensive Line." (Great. First of all, your statement is doubtful. Second of all, f*ck you, as this has NO bearing on the conversation whatsoever.)

These are just a few. If you disagree, email me and I shall strike down your contentions with an iron fist. This is one of my Unconquerable Postulates, but I'm open to debate. Unless you want to try to talk about those lunchboxes on the sidelines at football games. Forget it. I won't acknowledge its presence.