21 January 2004

Well, This Just Damn Pisses Me Off


--Most depressing new of the last two months:

Dustin Hoffman Cast As Greg's Father in Meet the Fockers

Let me state that I have nothing against Dustin Hoffman, who has proven time and again that he has great comedic acting chops. BUT HOW DO YOU NOT CAST JERRY STILLER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Everyone wanted to see this! I'm hoping it's because he turned it down for some reason and not because they didn't approach him for the role. In-ex-cuse-a-ble, Mr. Steinbrenner would say.

But that's not even the most horrendous and potentially depressing part of the article. Ben Stiller openly, willfully verbalized that his number one choice for Mrs. Focker be...BARBARA STREISHAND.


I will boycott, I swear I will f*cking boycott. Shoot me now, g*ddamnit sonsab*tching motherf*ckers. 22 December 2004 could be one of the best or worst days of my life. Someone console me.

--I go to a gym now. Yes, I realize that such a concept strives to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes. Ignore that for a moment.

In the room with all the treadmills, there are three televisions. Now I'm not trying to create a bias or start a commotion here, but usually when I go up there are more women than men in the room. Nothing wrong with that. Here's the problem:

Inevitably, I swear to you, one TV is on Sharon Osborne, one is on some kind of Daytime Soap, the last on Lifetime. I promise you I'm not making this up. When I ask if I might change one of the channels, I am met with scorn and silent--yet highly detectable--outrage. There is no reason, no reason whatsoever, that at least one television should NOT be on some kind of sports programming. End of discussion. No debate. I'm asking for one television in a room of 12 treadmills. The volume is not up, you've got two other sets, let me f*cking watch Sports Center without feeling like I just abruptly asked you for anal sex in the middle of your Elliptical routine.

--That's it for now. The Meet the Parents thing really pissed me off.