26 July 2007



Oh, PETA. Poor misguided, mismanaged, disillusioned PETA. Like the scourge that is the Herpes, you just seem to irritate, go dormant, irritate, go dormant again…but never really go away.

According to PETA's own statistics, there are over 40,000 people in this country involved in the underground dogfighting industry. Forty thousand! How can the human brain even calculate such a sum? With that in mind, can I point out something that should be obvious to everyone who isn't retarded? I was never a math whiz, but with over 300,000,000 people in this country…that leaves, by my count, well over 299,960,000 people who aren't involved in the underground dogfighting industry.

But let's step out of our heads, give you a ton of credit – way more than you troglodytes should ever deserve for anything – and guesstimate that there might be 960,000 additional dogfighting supporters in this country, if not active participants. That would make, even with all of my flattering inflation, less than 1/300th of this country dogfighting supporters. Of course, as with any sentient being, I can draw a conclusion from this: even at its worst case scenario generation, America doesn't support dogfighting.

It's a point that needs to be made, because PETA acts as if the general public is madly in love with watching dogs kill each other in a humid basement. Do you really need me to assert that dogfighting is barbaric? That it's unconscionable? That it's one of the lowest levels of mammalian degradation? That anyone guilty of practicing it should be thrown in a dark, violent prison? Does all that even need to be proffered in rational discourse?

Why then, PETA, are you trying to derail the Constitutionally-granted due process of an innocent man?

Make no mistake about it, you can't paint it any other way – Michael Vick, as of this very moment (and until the gavel comes down for the final time in his trial this November), is an innocent man as defined by the law. There's nothing else to be said about it. Of course Dan Shannon, who, as PETA's Assistant Director of Campaigns, is perhaps one of the biggest degenerates in the world, doesn't worry about things like the Bill of Rights or the judicial system.

On ESPNEWS today, Big Danny was asked the following…

ESPNEWS ANCHOR: "Dan, how do you balance a scheduled series of protests against the argument that Michael Vick hasn't been found guilty of any criminal charge?"

BIG DANNY SHANNON: "Uh, well, again, whatever happens in the court of law won't change the fact that these dogs were found on his property, they did have injuries consistent with dogfighting, and that there was all this illegal equipment. Uh, those facts aren't gonna change, and we feel that those facts speak for themselves. It's up to the courts to decide that he's guilty or innocent of a crime, but uh…everybody knows that somethin' wrong was goin' on at Michael Vick's property."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: That's an exact quote that I obtained with a tenuous level of patience and the help of my DVR. In other words, you're welcome.)

Now keep in mind PETA's MO over the past few weeks: though Michael Vick is an innocent man, they've petitioned/protested the NFL multiple times attempting to get Michael Vick banned from the NFL. They've done the same at the Nike HQ and will continue to do so in the coming weeks until Nike discontinues sales of all Michael Vick-related apparel and merchandise.

This tells me two really interesting things about PETA:

1. They are dropping an awful lot of money trying to destroy the life of someone who, until today, hadn't even seen the inside of a courthouse on the charges they're ramped up about. They're committing serious resources based on a presumption of guilt based on evidence that no one has seen.

2. They see themselves as above the law.

Whenever there's a rape accusation made in this country – especially if it's made against a noteworthy person or collection of persons – a similar rush to illegitimate irrationality occurs. The man is always convicted in the court of public opinion before he's even given the opportunity to sniff a jury of his peers. He's lambasted with hatred and vitriol by the entirety of the media and labeled by any citizen with a cursory knowledge of the situation as a monster. After all, rape is a terrible crime, is it not?

But that's not really the point, is it kids? The point is that, while rape may be of the most abhorrent acts in existence…no one is guilty of such a crime, legally, until they're convicted in court. Am I beating a dead horse here? Well, maybe PETA has an Equine Corpse Sensitivity Division. They're just going to have to come after me, because I think I'm the only one that gets this.

So what if an ACCUSED rapist, someone who hasn't been brought to trial, finds themselves convicted in the court of public opinion? What if they find themselves verbally and physically attacked on their way about their daily lives? What if they find people protesting them with signs everywhere they go, lies being spewed about the "facts" of their case so that an alleged-rape-victim-sympathetic public turns against them? What if they then find these same people are trying to cut off the means of their livelihood?

Weird. Because that happened. Last year. To almost (if not) every one of the Accused in the Duke Lacrosse Rape Scandal. What's funny about that – what's hilarious, really – is that the case against them was such a sham that the DA got fired for his negligence and later admitted that there wasn't nearly enough evidence to even charge them in the first place. He just knew the public would want blood after hearing the drugged-out stripper's story.

Funny how PETA is doing exactly the same thing to a man who, say "Thank You" again to the Constitution, is innocent of the charges brought against him. Except he's not even accused of raping anyone. He's accused of promoting dogfighting, a charge he steadfastly denies. That's neither here nor there to PETA. To them, it's clear that SOMETHING happened at Michael Vick's house. The facts of what that "Something" is, however, is really of laughable inconsequence to them. They've got a scapegoat, they've got a platform, and now they're going to try to ruin someone's life before he's even had the chance to defend it. In a world that's becoming increasingly Elementary School in the way terrorist organizations deal with perceived opposition – and trust me, they are nothing less than a terrorist organization – PETA is bringing an assault rifle to the rumored fistfight under the playground's old oak tree.

And like a Summer's Eve factory, PETA continues to churn out d*uchebags, like Big Danny Shannon, to sell their tainted product. In their America, the appearance of dogfighting is grounds enough to deny someone their liberty. In their America, protests happen and lives get ruined before lawful responsibility is determined. Because it would be impossible to just speak out against dogfighting in general, riding on the publicity of the case itself rather than laying the blame on the most famous person, and wait for the trial to be over to decry or excuse the man based on the evidence. And it would be wrong to le the public decide for themselves the "truth" after reviewing the evidence. Dogs are dead, that's the highest tragedy that could ever be, and some poor b*stard – really, any poor b*stard, but hopefully a high-profile b*stard with a ton of money – is going to pay.

Personally, I think most people involved in PETA just want to protect animals. They're either too stupid or too high to do some research and find out that the executive infrastructure of the cult is staffed by nutcases and social deviants. If you want to protect animals, do what I do: become an ASPCA Guardian. Here's a link to the donation site; put your f*cking money where your mouth is. If you'd rather spend all your time and means trying to sabotage football players who may or may not have done anything wrong, then you're just a f*cking joke. All I can do is pray to God that something furry kills you one day. Hopefully one day soon so this planet can get a little less deranged.