18 November 2003

My Most Thought Provoking Postulate Yet


--Allow me to be more specific...this is more of a question based on what I consider to be a highly philosophical hypothesis. I have integrated such a theory into a screenplay and a play, and it is so copyrighted to me. Don't even think of stealing it, though you are free to pass it around the internet, giving me full credit for posing such a high-class query. Again, this thought was inspired by the Oscar-snubbed TimeCop, starring the always venerable Jean-Claude Van Damme:

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Since this Unconquerable Postulate (TM) was brought out of my memory banks by James over at CannedJam, I will use him as my variable.)

Let's us assume that there is James in the year 2003. James is married and lives in a house. James somehow finds a way to travel ten (10) years into the future, and does so. James is now in 2013. However, James of Ten Years from Now (James-X, we shall call him) and James'ssss Wife of Ten Years From Now (we shall call her Wife-X) both still exist and live in the same location. Let's say James-X, believing nothing is different in his world, leaves for work at 8AM. Wife-X is staying home that day. James of Ten Years Ago (just James in our book) is now living in the same world as James-X and Wife-X. James locates his house and finds Wife-X inside. Wife-X is at first frightened but then simply assumes that her now younger-looking husband (who is, unbeknownst to her, actually James) has had a spa treatment, thus obtaining said younger look. She decides to have sex with him. James then returns to his time period without ever coming into contact with James-X, which we all well know would result in an immediate implosion of the space-time continuum and end existence as we know it. Still with me? Good, me either. Let's continue.

For whatever reason, James, now safely back in 2003, tells his wife that he went into the future and had sex with her future self, Wife-X.

James-X comes home to find that Wife-X has mistakenly slept with his younger self. Assuming he takes her story as true (a rather large assumption, but a critical one at this juncture), think about the following, each being one of my Greatest Philosophical Postulates of All Time (TM):

1. If you are James-X, did your wife cheat on you with yourself (yourself being James, the You of Ten Years Ago)? Are you jealous?
2. If you are Wife, did James cheat on you with yourself (yourself being Wife-X, the Wife of Ten Years From Now)? Are you jealous?
3. Is there another situation that's funner to think about?

God, sometimes I blow my own mind.

--Along those same lines, I've had this conversation with many before and responses have been all over the board. This one is for the guys:

Let us say that you have a girlfriend of three years whom you love very much and want to marry. One day you find out she is having an affair...with another chick. Are you jealous? Upset? Do you end the relationship?

My answers are no, no, and no. I have thought about this over and over and over and I can't imagine any situation where this makes me anything but more sexually charged.

--I watched Britney on Leno last night. Honestly, I never thought this day would come, but my affinity for Britney has worn off. Is she still hot? Yes. Would I let her rape me over and over? Likely. Does she do it for me like she used to? Not nearly.

First off, everything she says comes off as contrived and fake. This is a double-edged sword, because on one hand, if she's fake, that's really bad, and if she's not and actually acts like that always, that's really really bad. Neither is good basically. So I'm dropping my "Let Britney Do Whatever She Wants" protest. As far as I'm concerned, she's form Pie Country and not worth the time.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: The size of young Brit's boobies fluctuates more than Oprah's weight and Bush's popularity combined. I'm no longer impressed.)

--Only 207 days until The Greatest Event in the History of the World. No one to date has guessed correctly what this Event is.

--Last thought of the day, as this should inspire some real deep thought. It's game I like to call Hump Island. This has been done over many, many times in thousands of different ways, but rarely do you see it in print. This is your chance to make your list permanent and put it out to the world.

Select five people whom you would most want to spend an eternity with on a Desert Island. Include one Wild Card in case one of the chicks gets too old, too boring, or too bitchy...the Wild Card shall also serve as your Flavor of the Week, so to speak.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Chicks answering the Hump Island Challenge can substitute males...I guess.)

Goose's Top Five (in no particular order, as that changes often and without notice):

1. Catherine Zeta-Jones
2. Kelly Preston
3. Diane Lane
4. Erika Christensen
5. Natalie Portman
WC. Rachel Bilson (Summer Roberts on The O.C....oh my God....)

Show me whatcha got, people....