13 November 2003

You May Be Covered in Cardboard, but F*ck You, Pal


--Was thinking about this today and relaying my feelings to a buddy. The whole thing was spurned by my comments about the homeless woman below...

Homeless people bother me for a number of reasons. Very few homeless people are homeless because they are, as the PC culture in this country would tell us, "less fortunate". Maybe they lost their job; well, people lose their job every day but don't just drop all faith and head for the nearest corner to beg. Maybe they have a drug problem; well, in some form that's very likely their fault as well. There are a lot of people who are homeless who need psychiatric care--I'm not talking about them. And don't you see a lot of homeless claiming to be Vietnam Vets right now? There was a period of time in the mid-70's when a lot of these soldiers came home to find their fellow countrymen calling them "babykillers" and refusing to employ them. This WAS a problem, yes. But now it's 2003. I haven't heard of anyone refusing to hire Vietnam Vets...ever, really. So no more "Woe Is Me" excuses, fellas.

Here's my thing: I owe $60,000 in college debt. Sixty. Thousand. I'm paying nearly $700/mo to keep ahead. And I'm making it on about $1,200/mo pay. It sucks and I hate my life. Also, because I had to help my family when it was needed, I took a HUGE pay cut and my credit is f*cked as well. But I'm doing it because it has to be done. I'm willing to bet 90% of homeless people are debt free. Debt. Free. So everyone who begs for change and holds up a sign reading "Penniless and Homeless", I just want to walk up to and say, "Look, pal. I'm sixty-thousand in debt. In the Red. I'll be paying out my ears, unless I hit it big, which I plan to but that's neither here nor there, for thirty years to catch up. And you're broke? Wrong, motherf*cker, you're broke even. Now go to a halfway house, take a shower, clean yourself up, go get a f*cking McJob, and you'll be ahead of me in life. Now shut the f*ck up."

--Remind me one day to tell the story about the girl who masturbated on Roalnd's coffee table, my favorite story from college. I just don't have it in me tonight, but soon.

--I have noticed far more 16 year old girls looking at me lately, and I think I know why. Girls don't check me out. It just doesn't happen. But last week I shaved my head (well, almost, down to a "3" on the clipper scale) and I haven't shaved my face since. So now what I have going is a defacto Justin Timberlake coiffeur with the Justin Timberlake Tweener Beard (too long to be stubble, too short to be a beard). I am very fond of the tweener beard, as I have very soft skin and shaving causes razor burn like crazy. Plus, I think it's pretty manly. But back to the new hotness...

Since my main man JT has popularized the look, I appear to be capitalizing with the pre-legal crowd. This is about as exciting as finding out you won a free cruise...while you're in prison.

--As of today, 13 November 2003, it is exactly 212 days to the Most Important Event in the History of the World.

--The new Strokes album is, as I expected, brilliant. I will be picking up the Travis album tonight.

--I can't be the only one that watches every reality TV show that comes down the pike. I know I'm not alone. What I did not expect was to find out, last time down at JMU, that my buddy Craig is a fellow RW/RR Challenge: The Gauntlet Fantasy Game player. The kid has an MTV.com Fantasy Team. Craig hates MTV and hates reality television. I am blown away.

I am currently 4658 out of over 84,000 teams, down from a peak of 497 earlier in the show. I fear that if I might win the Saturn, MTV might hunt me down and take it away because I know Steve from RR: The Quest. I swear to you, Omnipresent Viacom Media Conglomerate Chief Executives, Steve has provided me with no information. I assure you, if he had, I would not be talking about it, nor would I have slid nearly 3,500 spots in the last three weeks. Anyway, Steve posts the most informative behind-the-scenes Episode Guides each week, and you should read them. I will also link up the site for RW BTNY Lori, which I read regularly, as she is somehow more unstable than I am.

I am going to win that g*ddamn car, I swear. Also, they are filming another Challenge in Mexico right now. I hope to Christ they take it back to a Male Vs. Female match up, because I love watching the hos lose.

--Quote of the day from the incorrigible Steve Perdue: "All I remember is that I drank and Geoff told me the next day that I was wearing a purple wig and telling some Chinese guy, 'Me love you long time.'"

It really did happen.

This, by the by, is the same kid that One Memorable Day (TM) got hammered, stuffed his mouth full of roast beef, decided to pick a fight, and ended up in wrestling match with one Mr. Jeff Farrell. Now, imminent danger of choking aside, there was this...

As the two were entwined in some kind of homoerotic lustball, Steve reached down to grab Farrell's foot and gain an advantage in the proceedings. He gave Farrell's big toe a manly jerk...and screamed. Because it wasn't Farrell's big toe...it was his own. Genius. Sure genius. Also, the same night with the wig and the racism, he kicked a ledge for no reason and broke his foot. Ladies, can you believe this man among men is single?