You Know You're a Loser If....

Email: GooseTownMail@yahoo.com

--OK, OK, I'm guilty as hell, I watched a show the other night called something along the lines of "World's Craziest Wedding Videos". It was horrific, except for the weddings where people started fights. I absolutely MUST comment on one wedding, however...

The groom of this particular wedding was standing in front of the minister with his soon-to-be wife. He was clearly enthused about the whole situation, which is disturbing in and of itself, but let's skip past that. Towards the end of the ceremony, he began to whoop and holler with excitement. This is when the narrator decided to chime in, letting us know, "This groom seems a little more excited than most. Why? Well, when he kisses his new bride in a few moments, it will be the first time they've ever kissed before, anywhere ." (EDITOR'S NOTE: I added my own emphasis at the end there, but it's effective and pertinent.)

That's not a typo. These two people, who are up in front of their respective families getting married, had never even kissed before.

I'll say this first: I respect the right for everyone to approach their personal relationships in any way they want to. I respect (and this sometimes--SOMETIMES--borders on admiration) the approach of "Waiting Until Marriage (TM)" for sex if it is based on a religious conviction. I strongly disagree with that course of action, but respect in nonetheless. I can also most certainly see the point of not necessarily waiting for marriage, but waiting until you find someone you're comfortable and/or ready to sleep with. There are a lot of reasons to wait. That said...

These two people are idiots. F*cking idiots and absolute losers. I will not debate this for even one second. F*cking idiots. Absolute losers. No debate.

What possible reason could there be for this? For Christ's sake, even Jesus himself used to mouth-kiss Mary Magdeline. I honestly cannot comprehend what type of world these people live in. If it's a religious conviction, they have missed the point of whatever it is to which they prescribe. If it isn't, they are complete sheltered morons. I hope to God they never procreate, and as I type that I am visited by one of the worst mental pictures that my catastrophic mind has ever produced. God help these people. And me.

Hey, I'm as big an idiot as they come, and far be it for me to tell anyone how to live their life. Except these people. Seriously, if the two of you ever read this, please do not ever have children and stay away from other humans for your period of being on this Earth, as you can only set the race back several generations. They had less stringent dating standards in pre-9/11 Afghanistan.

--Answering an Email:

Actually this was an IM, but let's pick our battles here. This comes from my good friend Nip...er, Karyn. Confounded by my "Comments" system and unfamiliar with the rigors of email, Karyn asked me about gymnastics in the most direct fashion of communication this side of face-to-face verbalizing---->

>>"ok well i tried to e-mail you a comment on your cheerleading argument that you wrote a while back but im an idiot and couldnt figure how to do that. I agree completely with your agrument that cheerleading is not a sport for all the reasons you listed, gymnastics however is a sport. I did gymnastics all while i was growing up...you say it is a judged competition and therefore cant be a sport..but there are set rules and regulations and standards on a performance and every routine starts from a certain score (not necessarily a 10) because it has been evalutated for its worth... it is partially opinionated and partially objective. what do you think?"<<

Thanks for the IM, Karyn. Gymnastics is not a sport...it's an athletic competition. Though there may be objectives in gymnastics NOT based on subjectivity (a certain move you have to perform at some point, a standard piece of equipment that you must perform on), the end result is almost entirely based on someone's perception or your performance, not your performance itself. Think of it this way: In football, you must cross the goal line to score six points. Simple, basic, not up for interpretation. You are not awarded points based on HOW you crossed it; neither are you awarded points based on your grace or skillin crossing it. It either happens or it doesn't. Gymnastics cannot be this way inherently. True, you and another competitor may perform the same move, but who "wins" is determined by which of you a panel of judges finds did it "better". Part of the wonderful rigidity of Sports is the objectivity that sometimes allows a lesser team to prevail in a contest, because they were better able to follow the established rules.

So I hope that answers your question, as I have no idea what I just said.

--"Finding Nemo" should win an Oscar this year for something, and I don't care what. Also, I'm setting myself up for a disappointment of massive proportions tomorrow when I view "The Matrix: Revolutions". That way, if it ends up being a good movie, it'll be a monumental...eh...non...disappointment (I think I have two brain cells left and they're fighting).

--Did anyone watch "The Joe Schmo Show"? I was completely crushed to watch the recap episode, after they had told the poor guy everything was fake. I take back everything bad I ever said about the guy, which wasn't much but was there somewhat. What a decent human being. Honestly, I always liked the guy but thought he was an idiot. He reminded me a lot of my buddy Sanders, who is a sweet guy but never going to split any atoms (I can say this safely, as he's stuck in Germany in the military). He once exclaimed to two other 21 year-old males in an otherwise empty room that one of our assumptions about the WWF was "bullcrap" (and DAMN was he angry). I repeat, he was age 21. The funny thing is, every once in a while the kid busts out with a vocab word and you look around the room for Cyrano de Bergerac like, "Who the f*ck is feeding this kid lines? Did he just use the words 'solace' and 'verisimilitude' correctly in the same sentence?" This Jow Schmo guy (Matt is his name) was just like that, or so I thought. Then I find out he went to law school for a bit. Well, I take back my sentiments and wish Matt the best. After all, he made off with $100,000...and a complete distrust for all of humanity. I have the latter myself...now all I need to do is somehow get the former...

All for now...maybe more later tonight...