28 October 2003

Here's a Great Idea

Email: GooseTownMail@yahoo.com

--Let's say you're the board of directors (yes, just you) of a major national clothing store. For our hypothetical purposes of today, we'll just call it The American Eagle Outfitters (TM). We'll assume it's a full week before Halloween and it's still a consistent 50 degrees in Pennsylvania. Don't you think the best idea would be to go ahead and not only set up the entire store for Xmas, but begin to play Xmas songs on all your stores' sound systems?

Me too! This is sure to piss off NO ONE! What a f*cking genius you are!

Standing in the doorway of my Job #2 location this evening, attempting to hand out life-saving coupons for 15% off a pair of pre-torn jeans (no, that's not a typo), I watched people enter the store. You know those Disney cartoons where Donald Duck's kids throw water on him in the morning to startle him out of bed? Remember what his face looked like? Well, that was every person that came in tonight, finding the store decked out in garland and little white lights. People looked like they had been told they had HIV and simultaneously punched in the stomach.

Who makes a decision like this? I'm saying no more than a few days before Thanksgiving. Clearly, all the sh*t has to be up for Black Friday, this is a given. But before Halloween? And it's been this way since SUNDAY. The mall will host Trick-Or-Treat 2003 on Wednesday. Kids are going to be walking by the store in their little SpongeBob getups or whatever the hell they're wearing this year, seeing the Xmas decorations, and just getting confused as all get-out, like, "Oh f*ck, did I hit a time warp? Is it snowing outside? I feel like I should walk down the stairs in my PJs now. Mom, what the f*ck is going on?"

Here's another thing that really pisses me off--celebrating holidays several days before or after the actual date. F*ck this. Halloween is on October 31, you will get dressed and f*cking beg for candy on that day and no other. My hometown now has Trick-Or-Treat on the WEDNESDAY of Halloween week. WHY? What the HELL purpose does that serve? They even have established hours. Bullsh*t. Bullsh*t. It starts at like 5:30PM and goes until 7PM. No way man, it's not even dark at 5:30PM yet, and I'm for damn sure taking my time. Who the hell decided Halloween could have time limit? The same municipality has not had Fourth of July Fireworks on the Fourth of July for twelve years...EVEN WHEN IT F*CKING FELL ON A FRIDAY OR SATURDAY. It's like they're purposely trying to avoid celebrating the Holiday on the Holiday. Does this completely dismay anyone else or am I alone here? I mean is this f*cking crazy? I'm getting all riled up just thinking about it. It's like when they added Smarch to the school year in "The Simpsons". It's that kind of lunacy. Imbecile godd*mn d*uchebags, every single last one of these people.

--Females back into parking spots way, way too often. It's almost an epidemic. Is there some kind of major problem backing OUT of the spot at the end of the day? I watched one chick whom I work with back into a spot at the mall tonight. It was unnecessary of one factor because there wasn't a single other car around her, but doubly so because she was closing with me and there were going to be no other cars in the parking lot when we left. What could possibly be the rationale for this course of action? Obviously there are going to be some times where it's advantageous to back into a spot, but c'mon people.

And don't even get me started on the female incapability of performing the pull-through-to-the-empty-spot-in-front-of-you-so-you-can-later-drive-straight-out-of-said-spot (heretafter referred to as simply the "Pull Through").

--My work on my two newest scripts is coming so d*mn slowly. I even got good notes on the first 1/3 of the one and I can't make myself keep going. Yes, I've had some distractions in the last few weeks, but I should have done something. I have all my notes and everything. I can't figure this out. I know I can sell this one too. Side Note: It's pretty sad when your motivation to sell a screenplay is not the realization of a dream, nor the contribution your art, nor even the possible critical acclaim; it is only knowing that you will be paid enough to get out of College Debt (TM). My credit report right now probably looks like the skin on my the bottom of my foot after it caught on fire and someone put it out with an old t-shirt. Another motivating factor to sell a script is the realization that I'll never qualify for any kind of loan and that I'll have to throw cash down on EVERYTHING. I can't wait until I have an agent and a personal financial guru. Give me three years, I'm telling you.

Mad shout to DanWho, who was man enough to create the official GooseTown logo. I will put it up here when blogspot allows me to have pictures. Like a prisoner, I'm allowed only text here, but maybe in the near future I'll get moved to GenPop when I can hang some pictures on my cell walls. That will be when I put this logo up. If you haven't seen it, go to his webpage and check it out. Cousin Scott would be mighty proud.