Lucky For You, As You Get to Watch Me F*cking Go Off

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I am pissed today. Not pissed at the world or in a bad mood, but pissed at how absurdly stupid people are. I am going to share it with you all and be somewhat uncharacteristic in my tone.

I have a few pet peeves:

1. Things females do. Pretty much all of them.
2. People putting words in my mouth.
3. People making awful, illogical arguments that eventually denigrate into namecalling and personal insults.
4. Sh*tty drivers.

And possibly most vehemently...

5. Christians trying to legislate their own "morality".

I'll make my little disclaimer now before I roll into this...Yes, I realize that not all Christians try to do so, but in lieu of typing "a certain number of Christians" every time, it's just going to be the de facto "Christians". So if you are not included in this group, don't assume I am attempting to include you, I'm just trying to save time and space. Got it? OK.

Two news stories that really Irked My Peeve (TM) this afternoon:

1. President Bush might propose a Constitutional Amendment vis a vis his atrocious Defense of Marriage Act, an official piece of legislation that is costing taxpayers $1.5 billion (not a typo) so the Federal Government can teach people that only the marriage of a man and a woman is healthy. <---------------I'm not even going to touch the asinine nature of the DOMA right now. Let's focus on the Constitutional Ammendment.

In fact, let's say it again: CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT. In effect it would say that the only valid form of human union is between a man and a woman. When are Christians going to crawl out of their f*cking caves, realize we walk upright whilst thinking abstractly, and get a clue? I truly cannot believe that in the year 2004 people can still be this moronic. Can I put a few things out there?

--Research over the past 25 years, from studies published in such UnChristianly Nonsense Texts (TM) as The New England Journal of Medicine, indicates that homosexuality is not a "choice", but more a product of a deficiency or overabundance of a specific chemical in a specific area of the brain.

--Research over the past 40 years, from studies published in such UnChristianly Nonsense Texts (TM) as Nature, shows that an overwhelming percentage of animal species--up to 90%--exhibit homosexual characteristics. A sample of these species include felines, canines, reptiles, fish, waterfowl, equines, and amphibians. In amphibians some scientists estimate that as much as 25% of the species is homosexual in nature. In fact, amphibians even have the capacity, in certain biological crises, to physically and independently change their sex if the male/female balance is highly skewed. Sinners.

So there is practical evidence out there that in fact homosexuality is not a "poor choice", not a "sin", but rather a differently-wired function of nature. What of it then? Well, the Christian will insist that marriage and its sanctity are reserved only for a man and a woman because that is the only way to procreate, and the gift of procreation is one of the essentials of marriage. Wonderful! But consider...

--There are an estimated 5 million married couples in this country who cannot conceive due to the infertility of one party or both. How UnChristianly! Revoke their charters! Send in the troops! Go to the back of the class!

--Over 55% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. Of them, 72% resulted in procreation, the product of which are now scarred for life by the sins of divorce. Scarred b*stard children.

--An estimated 60% of all marriages in the United States each year take place in nondenominational or secular ceremonies, at locations such as City Halls, beaches, and Vegas.

But do they give up? No! Christians must defend the "laws" of "God" that come from the "Bible". It is written in...a book! That has been passed down for...thousands...of years! That is iron-clad, considering the perfection of man and the fact that the validity of the average high school cafeteria rumor holds for exactly 7.2 seconds. Humans never embellish, never change anything, can never be evil, and have never tried to alter history to meet the needs of the powerful. Never.

On the heels of the announcement by Bush's publicist, two Pennsylvania Senators want to make it absolutely illegal for gays to marry in the state. Not only that, they want to also create a ban on Civil Unions and the recognization of Common Law unions.

Yeah, I've made this an issue before. In the election year, it's not the top issue, and not in the top five for most people. But why is it important? Because with so many other things to draw people's attention away from it, legislators can enact this kind of religious bullsh*t without much protest. It goes largely unnoticed and when people can get back to caring about it, laws are in place and they're damn hard to get rid of.

In an earlier post, I challenged someone, anyone, to give me a good, non-religious reason as to why gays should not be allowed to marry and afforded the same benefits as married couples. No one can come up with a good answer. The only answer is this, and I'm going to be blunt--these Christians are f*cking bigot assh*les. Plain and simple. Absolutely counterproductive human beings bent on forcing the "morality" of a fading ideology on a population as a whole. If you disagree with two men or two women marrying, fine, you have that right. If you hate it and detest it and find it vile, you have that right. What you do not have the right to do is tell people "This is what is good for you because my religion says so". The Constitution is supposed to protect people from idiots like you. For what possible reason could you care that two people make a private decision that has absolutely no impact on yourself or your antiquated theological doctrine? I'll tell you why. Because you are f*cking scum who just want to make sure that those who are so "beneath" you know one thing: that they are not equal, that they are not human, that they don't deserve to exist in society because your Mythical Fantasy of the Everloving Vapid Bible told you so.

Oh, and I'm not done. Peruse this article:

Woman In Court For Selling Sex Toys

In a nutshell, here's what's going on: the Bible Beaters in Texas have forced charges against a woman who had been holding discreet, customer-scheduled Sex Toy Shows in private homes. In these shows she displayed a line of sex toys, instructed the men and women in attendance on how to use them, and then sold them to some of the partygoers. Because Christians cannot stand to be in a town with someone of different values, two police officers posed as a husband and wife, went to one of the shows, and promptly had the woman arrested. What was her crime? Well, in the state of Texas (which we should just be calling 'Little China" at this point), it is illegal not only to explain how to use a sex toy correctly and safely, but it is illegal to sell them without a sticker on their package denoting "THIS PRODUCT IS BEING SOLD AS A NOVELTY OR CAKE DECORATION ONLY".

I'm really not kidding. This is the law. Also, heterosexual oral sex and sodomy are illegal in Little China, so all you facebanging studs who also f*ck b*tches in the sh*tter need to take the moral highground and turn yourselves in.

Now I understand that this is a law in Little China, and that ignorance of the law is no excuse for breaking it. However, someone find a way to tell me how this law is not Unconstitutional. Anyone. I beg of thee. Again, why the f*ck should you possibly care that someone might be having a private party in their home and that they might buy something that they will use only privately? It's has no f*cking effect on you. Don't you people get it?

Hey, look. I think America is the greatest place in the world to live. I wouldn't want to be from anywhere else. Even on our worst day our triumphs far outweigh our problems. But that's no excuse to let the problems go unnoticed. No matter how ridiculous I find Christianity to be, I freely admit that I could be 100% wrong about it. I feel strongly that anyone out there should have a right to practice it freely. It may be the answer to everything. I don't know. But neither do you, no matter how strong your faith is. You don't know. And therefore, while you have the right to practice it however you want for yourself, you have no right to impose it on others. Straightforward.

So we can we get all these f*cking d*uches on a boat and send them to Outer Bijian or something? They can all live there in peace, telling each other what they should do, scrutinizing and chastizing every life but their own. They can even take Marilyn Manson and sacrifice him. I don't really care. Just make them leave.

Oh, did I mention that at the gym this evening, I ran on one of the eight treadmills, women occupied the other seven, and that EVERY F*CKING CHANNEL WAS FIXED ON THE G*DDAMN OPRAH WINFREY SHOW?

Sonsag*ddamnedb*tches.