09 March 2004

The Happiest Day of My Life So Far in 2004


Today (late last night actually) The Cleveland Browns signed free agent Jeff Garcia, formerly of the San Francisco 49ers, to a four year, $25 million contract. The Browns have scheduled a news conference for...well, now. That is, 5:00PM EST to introduce.

Allow me a moment to thank the powers of the universe that influenced the Browns to make their first intelligent offseason move since their re-inception in 1999. I'm doing my best to sound official, but really, I can't wipe the PermaGrin off my face. We finally have a legit signal-caller, and I don't care if he's an old, goofy, effeminate redhead. I don't care if he f*cked me over for two consecutive Fantasy Football seasons.

Allow me a moment to offer a stoic bit advice to the Browns' Front Office and Head Coach Butch Davis: keep the new guy safe, for Christ's sake. Either address the woeful offensive line via free agency or in the Draft. We don't need any more WR's. Or CB's. Ross Verba is coming back. Just get some big motherf*ckers and put them in front of Mr. Garcia. Please.

Allow me a moment to address Tim Couch. Timmy, I have been a big supporter of you since day one. I was disgusted with the way Palmer put you out to pasture your rookie season behind a Kleenex-thin O-Line. I was disgusted when they booed you as you walked off the field with a concussion. May you find new life in Dallas when the Browns trade you there on Draft Day. You are a good QB and a good person. Godspeed.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm crying. OK, not really, but I think that would be very appropriate and dramatic.)

Thus, I restructure my 2004 Cleveland First Round Pick Wish List (TM) as such:

1. Sean Taylor, S, Miami
2. Robert Gallery, OT, Iowa
3. Shawn Andrews, OT, Arkansas
4. Kellen Winslow, TE, Miami
5. Tommie Harris, DT, Oklahoma

But soft, yet, for I can already predict what's going to happen. See, the Brownies have this propensity to draft WR's. Even when they're not needed. But I can already see the disease creeping into Butch's head...

"Well, we did lose (underachiever and no better than 2nd WR) Kevin Johnson. And we just signed a new Pro Bowl QB. Hmmm....let's grab ourselves a receiver with the Seventh Pick!"

And there you have it...mark my words, if he's still there (and he probably will be) the Browns will draft USC WR Mike Williams with Pick #7. It's not that Williams is a bad prospect--he's not at all--it's just that they need so much help elsewhere. I am confident going into the season with Quincy Morgan, Andre Davis, and a hopefully re-signed Dennis Northcutt. They did just fine last year. Also, some teams are concerned about Wisconsin WR Lee Evans, who blew out his knee before the beginning of last season. He should be there for Cleveland's pick in Round Two. Grab him instead. He would have been a Top Ten pick if not for the injury, and teams are scared, but Jesus, the guy just ran a sub-4.4 40 at the Combine. Think he's OK?

Anyway, good day today. I have something I really want to being to everyone's attention that I will write about tomorrow.