03 March 2004

Oscar Recap Plus MORE!


But a few random things first....

--Just helped some buddies shoot a movie. The short film was called Morning Sickness. Check out all relative information at Ice Nine Productions. I played a homicidal maniac and got to kick the sh*t out of someone. I'm not kidding. The shoot was great, Drew and Tim are cinematic geniuses, and hopefully they'll let me into this summer's Feature Length Film 13 Inches. And yes, it does refer to that. And no, it's not about me. Go to the site and read about it. There might even be a picture of my sorry ass up there soon.

I want to talk more about it but I'll have to devote an entire thing and it's just best if you check out the f*cking website, for Christ's sake.

--American Idol is a joke this year. Thirty thousand people audition and they can't find 10 who are dynamite singers? There are about two that have the talent of the people from the first two years and no one even approaching a Kelly Clarkson, from whom, by the way, I am still awaiting a phone call.


Since I forgot to post my Predictions for this year, I'll just have to be honest and put who I thought would win in parentheses next to who actually did in all the major categories. I would have been dead, stupid wrong on at least two for reasons that should have been clear to me. Here we go:

Best Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins (Benicio Del Toro)--Benicio is well-loved in Hollywood because he's picked absolutely all the right roles in the last few years, which should help forgive the transgression of Excess Baggage. Anyway, you figure the guy is due. I just thought he would have been stronger than Tim Robbins. But Timmy pulled it out. I'd like to say thank you to Mr. Robbins for not getting all political in the speech, and in fact saying something rather poignantly benign, if there is such a thing. And I have to mention this: when did Susan Sarandon get hot again? She had like a ten year period where she looked like my grandmother. Now she's back. Good for Timmy.

Best Supporting Actress: Renee Zellweger (Renee Zellweger): I've said it before and I'll say it again--Renee looks incredible with that little extra bit of weight on. When she goes Ethernopian it ruins everything. Now if we could just her to open her f*cking eyes, we would really have something here. And she's banging the dude from the White Stripes, which once again proves my theory that I need a band.

Best Song: Into the West (A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow): OK, this was the first year that I thought all of the songs were tremendous. Just fantastic, all of them. But the song that one was by far the worst of the bunch, and I'm saying even though I hated the way that chick spilled out a ramshackled Version of the song from The Triplets of Bellville. But the two songs from Cold Mountain were astoundingly good.

Best Screenplay (Original): Lost In Translation (Finding Nemo): Here's where The Academy blindsided me with something I should have seen coming all along. If the final Lord of the Rings had not been in this year's category, Lost in Translation would have won for at LEAST Best Director and probably Best Picture. Clearly LOTR deserved every award it got and then some--that I'm not disputing. But here's a stupid thing The Academy does: since they can't give Sophia Coppola either of those two awards, they get her in on the only other thing she was up for so as not to stiff the Indie Favorite. Usually that's OK, but my God, the script for LIT wasn't even a factor! The script was bearable at best but was made so great because of performances. So this one pissed me off as it robbed a really great script of a well-deserved award.

Best Screenplay (Adapted): Lord of the Rings (Lord of the Rings): Duh. Though if you haven't seen American Splendor, do it NOW.

Best Director: Peter Jackson (Peter Jackson): Double duh. Was there any question with anyone, seriously? I will say this, however: clearly, they were waiting until the last one came out to award this, and that's OK. But it wasn't ALL the director. Doesn't anyone find it interesting that not a single actor in ANY of the three films got a nomination? Not Elijah Wood, not Ian McKellan, not Vigo Mortenson. No one.

Best Actress: Charlize Theron (Charlize Theron): This one was out the door months ago. A done deal since Monster was released. I bet Stephen Jenkins is looking at Michelle Branch right now and rethinking his choices in life.

Best Actor: Sean Penn (Bill Murray): Remember the whole thing with Sophia Coppola and the Screenplay? Well, this is one I figured on happening and it didn't. Alright, Sean Penn is f*cking great. We can all admit that. Insanely underrated actor by the public at large. Should have won last year for I am Sam. Maybe he threw down a better performance. But I don't think so. And for f*ck's sake, why the hell wouldn't you give it to Bill? Sean Penn is going to continue to command demanding and dramatic roles and be up for Oscars again. This will be the only chance Bill ever gets to win one. He's got an incredible body of work the whole way from Saturday Night Live up to Lost in Translation, in which he was absolutely and totally brilliant. I suppose I'm happy for Sean Penn, but I am literally heartbroken for Bill Murray, who really wanted the award. Sean Penn doesn't even show up for the Oscars 99% of the time. This has me really pissed. Give the guy the credit he has deserved for years. God I'm mad.

Best Film: Lord of the Rings: I mean, c'mon, duh.

So there you have it. In conclusion, my Top Five Hottest Women of the Night:

5. Nicole Kidman--Too tall for me but she always looks perfect.
4. Renee Zellweger--See above comments.
3. Angelina Jolie--Dear Sweet Christ in Heaven, help me. She seems to be getting back to normal after the whole Billy Bob thing, and it's always nice to see her dress classy.
2. Diane Lane--Oh Heaven Help Me. How can you be that hot at age 40? I don't understand. More importantly, why in the Name of Joseph is she marrying Josh Brolin? Why? This once again proves that I need a...wait, no. This one just proves that the world is not fair.
1. Catherine Zeta Jones--F*ck me running, every time I see her she is somehow more gorgeous. I honestly think I might urinate in my panteloons were I to ever get within five feet of her. G*ddamn. And for the 4,792, 991st time, Go Straight to Hell Michael Douglas.